The (famous) Kimball Principle

As we all know, the closer the proximity we are to Kimball, the stupider we get. This is supported by a well-known psychological effect known as "reciprocal determination." Kimball himself is an entity of undefined stupidity-- as if God, while using his formula for human beings, hit an error when creating Kimball, most likely by dividing by zero.

The KIMBALL PRINCIPLE states that the closer one is to Kimball, he/she will lose IQ at an expotential rate. This is expressed in the formula: (square root is expressed by "sq/")

s = sq/(k/d)
i.e. "s" equals the square root of "k" divided by "d".

Where "s" is the level if stupidity-influence one recieves, "k" is the Kimball Constant, and "d" is the distance from Kimball. A small "d" will cause "s" to be very high. And a "d" value of zero-- meaning you *are* Kimball himself-- will give you an undefined level of stupidity.

Keep in mind your level of stupidity increases expotentially. A person cuddling with Kimball (d=.1m) would be many times more stupid than the person standing next to him (d=1m). You may graph out the equation by typing into your calculator: y = sq/(k/x). Make k=10 for now, I will explain more about the Kimball Constant below. "y" represents the stupidity-influence, and "x" represents the distance from Kimball.

Of course, we have not exactly determined what the Kimball Constant is yet. To do this, we change the formula around, into this:

k = (s^2)(d)

If we are able to determine the stupidity level of a person, and measure their distance from Kimball, we will be able to calculate the Kimball Constant.

This, of course, is universally applicable formula, and can be used to calculate the stupidity-influence of anyone with a stupid aura. The Kimball Constant can be replaced with the Craig Constant to calculate the level of stupidity that Craig exerts.

The Kimball Principle developed by Peter Sung and Jason Wong. Formulas derived by Jason Wong.

Review of Helen the Ox's LiveJournal.

Allow me to start with a description of Helen's physical appearance. First, imagine an ox. Now imagine that ox to be Asian and give it bigger teeth. Then add a couple hundred pounds. Have a mental image now? Helen is a dozen times worst than that image.

That would be her actual appearance. Now, here quoted from her LJ, is the appearce she percieves herself to have:

"i am one attractive woman hehehehe ^_^
i look good!
and i'm intelligent too!!! yay~!
and i'm jsut 100% happy about life"

Helen-- you're about as attractive as a bloated cow, and look about as good as a tub of lard with a fucked-up face on it. Furthermore, the fact that you consider yourself attractive demonstrates that you're not intelligent either. In reply to the last line, "ignorance is bliss"-- particularly for you.

Not to say that bloated, disgustingly ugly people should all be tagged moronic retards, but Helen does not further any arguement against the previously said. The amount of food Helen eats on any given day could probably feed a herd of elephants. Practically every entry in her LJ deals with eating.

10/17/02:
". i had sushi.. but masumi jsut had a bit.. and we wen tot the noodle house nextroor.. cuz her firend works there so she felt obligated to go..
any how good food.. stuffed...
*buuuurp* "
Commentary: Finding excuses to eat more...

10/16/02:
".. and i'm out of food.. good and bad... cuz i finally finished the stuff iw as afriad i'd forget about and spoil.. but now i'm, hungry..
garg "
Commentary: Out of food? Won't last long.

10/15/02:
"..dorm stuff may suck.. but the food in our student center kicks ass...i jsut had the veggie-delphia.. soo good.. its sauted mushrooms and bell peppers and onions on a grill toasted roll with melted provolone cheese... yummy...
..and we have a good chinese food vendor too.. and basically everything is good.."
Commentary: Everything is good, eh? Good of you to sample everything.

Also 10/15/02:
"i got home yesterday.. planning on eating.. then napping then waking up to set up my dsl. but as i sit down to eat.. my aunt calls.. "
Commentary: You shouldn't hate your aunt for interrupting your meal.

Dammit, bitch! Can't you talk about anything other than food?! Trust me, it goes on and on. There is an entry *everyday* detailing how she ate enough to feed an African country. And to believe herself to be attractive and content! If Helen considers herself not fat, then Hitler must consider himself not a hater. I find it difficult to believe anyone could lie to themselves so easily.

But I do suppose there is psychological reason for this. If Helen were to face the truth honestly, then without a doubt, she would turn into a basketcase. If fact, anyone who looked like that would. Therefore she has developed a series of defense mechanisms to save her psychological well-being. Unfortunately, this does nothing for her phsyical well-being-- no matter how attractive she thinks herself to be, she'll still be ugly as a bloated water buffalo. A bloated water buffalo with buck teeth, that is.

I completely agree that happiness-- and similarly one's perception of attractiveness and sense of one's situation-- lies entirely in eye of the beholder. However, to feverently deny the opinions of the rest of the world would be pure ignorance on Helen's part. Thus, she is living in her own little world-- a world where she is Miss Beautiful and anyone who disagrees is just plain wrong. Nevermind the three hundred pounds of pure ugly she happens to carry.

Helen's egotistical attitude is merely an attempt to hide-- to herself-- her disgusting physical appearance, as it is impossible to deny to the rest of the non-blind population that Helen is not a fat ox. By itself, Helen's ugliness is not a sin. But her attempts to deny a fact of her being has created a monsterous bitch in what would otherwise merely be a benevolent cow.