Comprehensive Idiot Makes Empty Threats

Subject: Hello Jason
From: "Glenn D. Burks" glennburks@nav60.com
Date: Sun, September 21, 2003 4:39 pm
To:

Hi Jason,

I've read your commentary and will be handing it over to my attorney on
Monday for legal action.
Your article is both slanderous and is a personal attack on me
personally.

See you in court sucker here in Las Vegas.

Sincerely,

Glenn D. Burks
Nav60, Inc.
382 Viewmont Dr.
Henderson, Nevada 89015
866-274-0615
http://www.teamworksforus.com/
http://www.nav60.com/
http://www.network-marketing-works.com/
http://www.freedomfundraiser.com/
http://www.health-nutrition-maplus-complex.com/

(Here is a picture of Glenn so you may all admire his handsome features and receeding hairline.)

Hi Glenn,

I'm gong to assume you're being pissy about my article on network marketing. Let me establish right now so there is no misunderstanding: You are a comprehensive idiot. Thanks to something called the first amendment, I have a constitutional right to write whatever I please. Not only would you have to overturn a constitutional amendment, you'd probably have to get through the FTC and the ACLU also. Moreover, you don't even have my full name, let alone an address or phone number.

This is all, of course, overlooking the fact that in the "personal attack on me personally" (love the redundancy), your name was never even mentioned. The only thing you're really doing is taking up space in my mailbox and breathing too much air. Do you even realize that "slander" refers only to oral statements and not written ones? You're such an idiot, I refuse to even bother dedicating any more sentences to your sorry existence (even Niral managed to earn five paragraphs of my smite). I will instead my right to free speech and comment on something slightly more substantial-- your pyramid scheme websites.

Niral's Terrible Creation: Nirese

There're several reasons no one can stand Niral. First off, he's such a snivelling little faggot, the only way he gets his jollies is to shove his little brothers' Legos up his ass. Second, he's crusty. Third, he's a fucking dumbshit. Anyone who's endured more than two minutes with him knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who's endured more than five minutes is probably in clinical psychosis.

But for those of you who've been fortunate to steer clear of His Crustiness, Niral has self-image problems. I imagine he hates being Indian. A skinny, crusty one at that. He'd rather be big and Negro, who drives fast convertables with booming sound systems. Much like Tyrese. Since he can't BE Tyrese, he tries his best to act like Tyrese. No Eclipse Spyder? Not a problem when you can just imagine your Civic LX as one! Especially when you've joined the import modding scene by changing your automatic transmission shifter to a carbon fiber one!

Having a fast car is just one thing. But Niral/Tyrese (we'll just call him Nirese) also needs his bitches and ho's too. But that would require (1) personal hygene, (2) not having a squeeky voice, and (3) personal hygene. Far too complicated. Nirese would rather just imagine he has mucho bitches. Besides, perception is reality, right? So Nirese starts imagine all these girls like him. Any chick whose number Nirese has, he considers his girlfriend. Any guy's number that Nirese might have is his "homeboy." Suddenly, Nirese is the most popular guy in town. He even creates his own religion: "Niralism," (the idea, btw, he blatantly stole from me) dedicated to teaching others how to live life as he does. He starts talking gangsta-like. To quote his blog: "Moving on... i started school about two weeks agoooo..and all i gotta say...is DAYM!!! go check out the new libraryyyy !! that place is crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy its huggeeee and HEKKKA niceeee."

If I could only have a bullet for every dipshit who shapes his world around himself-- there'd either be a lot less dipshits, or I would have spared myself the misery long ago. Sadly, Niral-- sorry, Nirese rather-- doesn't stop there. Still unsure of himself, Nirese feels the need to assert his "superiority" by exploiting every fault he see's in others and ignoring his own. Yes, he really is THAT uncomfortable in his own skin that he needs constant, highly self-patronizing comparison to everyone else.

Will Nirese ever wake up one day, look in the mirror, and realize he's only Niral? Probably not. Is Niral anymore bearable than Nirese? Who knows-- but at least Niral is one to be pitied upon. Nirese is one to be beat the fuck up on.

Network Marketing: Making Enron Look Saintly

Some dipshits just don't have a conscience in their blind ambition to make a buck. Case in point: "network marketing" assholes, also called "multi-level marketing," but most appropriately called the Pryrimid Scheme. This website tries to candy-coat or justify it, but essentially it operates like this:

Some asshole thinks he's real smart. He's going to make a quick buck without really putting any work into it. So he cons another person, saying he can make some good money if he pays x-amount of money for the training to do so. However, the method to make this money is to con some more people into paying that money for "training." But look how easy it is to make your money back! You only need to recruit two people, who each pay x-amount, to make back your money. The amount you've made is now x times # of people you've recruited. An easy buck, huh?

Here's why "network marketing," or the Pyrimid Scheme, does NOT work. First off, the sucess rate for recruiting people will always be less than 100%. Let's say its 20%, which is a very generous estimate. I would estimate the actual rate is less than 10%. Therefore in order for an individual to make back the money he "invested," he must attempt to recruit 5 individuals. He must attempt to recruit 10 individuals in order to make a profit of x. Let's assume he manages to recruit two. Now these two must go through ten more individuals EACH to make their own profit. They cannot back out because then they will lose money.

With this model, let's run the numbers: At the third level, there are 7 who have involved themselves in recruiting others. This grows expotentially-- at the 10th level, there are 992 people involved in recruiting others (The equation is: a sub n = 2^(n-1) + a sub (n-1); where "a sub n" is the number of people involved recruiting, and "n" is the level.). However, the number of people who have been confronted about joining in this scheme is 10 * a sub n. That means at the 10th level, 9,920 people have been approached. As anyone can see, the pool individuals available to recuit is strinking much more rapidly than the money is coming in. I don't even need to show graphs to convey that any "company" using network marketing isn't going to last.

Some of these "companies" often add gimmicks and cover products to disguise the nature of how the money is made, or at least confuse potential recruits about the legitimacy of such a company. For example, companies often have recruits dress formally to their "job interview," and recruiters act professionally (as if it were an actual business setting) to add a sense of legitimacy. However, all network marketing or multi-level marketing companies are essentially what is described above: a fake and a scam. A prime example is Excel Telecommunications, though there are countless others.

The worst part is, the entire system depends on recruiting mostly clueless folks who have yet to be enlightened by the undeniable numbers above. When they do realize the eventual unfeasability of such a scheme, they've already lost their money, have have little choice but to attempt the same scam to get it back. They don't realize that just by being recuited to such a scheme, they've already put themselves in a shithole. And every single individual whom they recruit is placed in an even worst shithole. The system perpetuates until it doesn't work anymore, and eventually someone gets the shit end of the deal.

Consider an even worst alternative: those who understand the numbers, yet have faith in the system despite it. It implies that these individuals hold the belief that most people are dumb and clueless, fully suspectable to the lure of easy cash and fancy presentations. And the fact that a few of these network marketing companies appear, to a degree, to be working demonstrates one or both of two things: many Americans are utterly clueless and/or many Americans are immoral, grubbing for a quick buck at the expense of another.

For anyone who's read this weblog beyond this article, you know the thing I hate most are fakes and the stupid. Network marketing companies envelope both these dubious qualities: acting as legitimate businesses when they are certain not, and scamming dumb Americans when I'm sure they know better. The key to halting the spread of "network marketers" is simply to educate the public the nature of such schemes. The Bay Area's Kron4 does a good job with this article. And the reason I write this article? A good friend of mine was recently scammed by Excel, and now someone who normally is morally uprighteous must resort to the same scamming to earn his money back. Whether or not they're technically illegal or not, these businesses will always be illigitamate, phony and quite simply stupid.

Mother Teresa is evil. (Hate mail)

Subject: your website
From: Lauralouzader@aol.com
Date: Sun, July 6, 2003 10:31 pm
To: superjason@superpowers.org

Dear Jason, I think you need to get a little bit smarter yourself, and start studying ethics and stop accepting conventional definitions of what constitutes 'good' and 'evil'. I refer to your designation of Mother Theresa as good. In accepting that this horrible woman was 'good' you are accepting conventional notions of what constitutes 'good'.

Mother Theresa may have started out intending to alleviate poverty and suffering but over the years she devolved into a fraud, and worse. Her main purpose in her latter years was NOT to alleviate suffering and poverty, but to build her order and her ego along with it. She not only did not build modern hospitals but did not even beleive in alleviating pain, and used no pain releivers in her clinics. She believed, in her own words, that "the suffering of the poor is something very beautiful and the world is very much helped by the nobility of this example of misery and suffering'.

Excuse me?

I could spend the remainder of the night nitpicking your site to death, but I'll settle for advising you to check your facts, examine the evidence, and think before you hold forth in public.

Truly,
L. Louzader

Dear Ms. Louzader,

Thank you for enlightening us about the sinister deeds of Mother Teresa. I agree entirely with you-- I did not look into this horrible woman enough and had hastily placed her in an incorrect catagory. In fact, with what you've revealed to me, I think this bitch should be placed alongside Stalin and your mom. I certainly hope I didn't offend anyone with my horrendous miscalculation.

In an effort to redeem my mistake, I have reexamined a few figures I have mentioned previously.

Abraham Lincoln: What a jerk. Didn't he realize the Emancipation Proclaimation was completely illegal and threatened the very frabric of law? He even suspended the Writ of Habeas Corpus, jailing a Northern publisher with anti-war views. And what's he doing freeing the slaves anyways? I thought the Civil War was about preserving the Union. Didn't he realize those "forefathers" mentioned in his Gettysburg Address owned slaves also? He's practically taking a shit on Jefferson's grave.

Dalai Lama: Cowardice is a good adjective that describes this loser. After the Commies invade his little country of Tibet, he goes running off like a bitch who hasn't paid her pimp. Did any of the 13 previous Dalai Lamas run off? Hell no. And who cares if he gets captured and tortured by the Commies-- he's beyond suffering and will be reincarnated upon death anyhow.

Excuse me? *cough*cough* wtf. Any of the above sound right to you? I think we have a failure to make sense, Ms. Louzader.

Ms. Louzader, had you any sense of reading ability, it could be quite clearly observed that nothing on this site is about "good and evil." My "conventional definitions of what constitutes 'good' and 'evil'" don't exist. This site is about stupidity, never has there been a mention of "evil people." I couldn't care less about "good and evil" because the topic is entirely subjective. Ethics and philosophy as an academic institution is akin to astrology. You make shit up as you go; or if you're not as original, make up shit based on other people's shit. Congratulations, Ms. Louzader, you are the:

Pseudo-Academic of the Week

Furthermore, had you any reasoning ability, you would have challenged my arguement with those "facts" rather than go off on some personal vendetta against Mother Teresa. Did the good Mother slap your bitch ass when you were a kid in India? You have something against the church perhaps? Whatever your reasons, your arguement should have be: "Good intent plus poor behavior equals 'dumb.'" Again, "evil" is not a catagory here.

28 Days: One sad attempt at legitimacy.

The movie, 28 Days, is quiet simply, the biggest waste of my money in recent memory. I'll admit it now: I was stupid to go out on a limb and risk $7.50 for something that looked appealing. I knew better, but I did it anyway. Oh, how I paid terribly for my mistake with 2 hours of the most excruciating torture I've ever experienced at a movie theater.

28 Days starts out with some dumbshit environmentalists breaking into a chimp research lab. Immediately, I knew this was going to be a retarded movie. The only good movie to ever feature environmentalists was Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and this was certainly not a Jay and Silent Bob flick. The dipshit environmentalists unleash this angry chimp and pay for their stupidity with the chimp biting the idiots Mike Tyson style. The scientist is all like, "He's infected with rage!!" and then he gets attacked too.

Then the screen goes blank and displays in simple text, "28 days later."

Who the fuck in their right mind would name a movie after a plot hole?! The next scene opens with the full view of a skinny guy's nuts. I moaned, realizing I had paid $7.50 to see hairy balls, and this only the first 5 minutes of the movie. The next 20 minutes were just as bad. The guy walks around screaming, "Hello!" at no one in particular. There was at least 20 minutes of this, because I fell asleep and woke up to find the retard still screaming "Hello!" Still, at no one in particular.

Finally, the moron (we find out his name is Jimmy) meets two other morons. They do more of nothing, get attacked by zombies (unlike normal zombies, these zombies can run), and then do some more nothing. By this time, I was checking my watch every few minutes. Eventually, Jimmy and this black chick (this movie is so bad, it made a black person uncool) wank it with some fat dude and his daughter. They drive to "salvation," or safe-zone, where the fat dude gets killed (like we couldn't guess that one). The place is run by some army guys, and Jimmy finds out all the army guys want to do is fuck the black chick and the fat dude's daughter. "Women are the essence to rebuilding civilization," the army guy says, as if his statement had some deep and profound philosophical meaning. Jimmy goes and saves two bitches. Don't ask me how he does it, because the movie does show either. Just that somehow all the army guys (who have guns) get wanked by the zombies and Jimmy (who runs around without a shirt) gets out without a scratch.

Then the screen goes blank and displays in simple text, "28 days later."

Now, the trio has suddenly escaped all the zombies and are living in a modest country cottage. Again, we don't know how. They just do. A jet flies overhead and its presumed they're saved. The end.

What's the point of all this bullshit? That the fight for survival removes all innocence? That no matter how many zombies rampage the countryside, the evil in people never subsides? No. The only point this sorry excuse for a movie demonstrates is that something called "plot" and "cohersion" is required before any movie obtains any sense of meaning. When you have effect without plot, then the movie is no different than porn. And at least porn gives you a boner. This movie is more like benedryl: puts you to sleep whether you like it or not. Whoever made this retarded movie should just choke on Jimmy's hairy balls and die.

I give this movie negative two stars (that's like two black holes).

Three Postulates of Human Character Specific to Stupidity

Postulate 1:

The quality of your character is determined by two factors: intent and behavior. Both intent and behavior can be expressed in the negative or the positive. Positive intent means good intentions, whereas negative intent means poor intentions. Positive behavior means good behavior, while negative behavior means poor behavior.

These two factors can be combined to form four separate catagories: good, dumb, fake, and stupid. Figure 2 expresses this combination in matrix form. Figure 3 expresses this combination in cartesian graph form.




If you have good intentions and performs good behavior, then you are good. Good people are very rare and I suspect there are no longer any living. Mother Teresa was an example of a good person.

However, if you have good intentions, but it results in poor behavior, then you are dumb. Despite your good intentions, you are too dumb to recognize how to make your intentions a reality, probably causing people to suffer in the process. My mom and the vast majority of high school teachers are examples of this.

If you have poor intentions, but your behavior appears to be good, then you're a fake. Fakes are dangerous because they're often able to fool people that they're good. They have control of their behavior despite their intentions, and for this reason their poor intentions can result in poor behavior at their choosing. Examples of fakes are most politicians and professional athletes.

Finally, we have those who are stupid. Stupid is the combination of poor intentions resulting in poor behavior. Stupidity is the worst of the four, and is incurable. An extreme example of stupid are the Baca Boys.

Postulate 2

Everyone is stupid. The difference is in the magnitude of our stupidity. The magnitude of stupidity (M of s) can be calculated by this formula (sq/ means square root):

sq/(i^2 + b^2) = M of s
If and only if i < 0 ; b < 0

Where "i" represents intent as defined above and "b" represents behavior as defined above. Observe figure 3. Plot your levels of intent and behavior in the "stupid" quadrant, and the magnitude of your stupidity is the distance from the origin, as stated in the formula above.

This formula can be applied to any of the other three quadrants listed above to determine the magnitude of those aspects. The only requirement is that plots of (i, b) are within the boundaries of that quadrant.

The only exception to this postulate is the entity known as Kimball. According to the Kimball Principle, Kimball is magnitude of stupidity that is so great, it is undefined. He appears to be an anomaly that is the essence of stupidity itself.

Postulate 3

The frequency of the magnitude of stupidity follows a normal distribution (see figure 1). Meaning, the majority of people are just moderately stupid. However, some people are hardly stupid at all (Jesus, the Dali Lama), while some people are exceedingly stupid (Aaron, Jimmy). Again, Kimball is the exception to this postulate.

A Confirmation of Prediction

Last September, I wrote that Jimmy Lu is the single greatest arguement against Darwin's Theory of Evolution. "The fact that Jimmy hasn't accidentally killed himself yet by drowning in his own diarrhea surprises me. But don't be shocked if Jimmy accidentally cuts off his own toes in his next post," I wrote, partially exagerating. Then this happens:

2 teens seriously hurt in crash

FREMONT -- Two Fremont residents remained in serious condition Thursday after a driver lost control of his vehicle on Pine Street, police said.

Jimmy Lu, 18, was traveling east on Pine Street near Paseo Padre Parkway when his 1993 Honda Accord ran off the road and hit a street light, police said.

Lu and his passenger, Julia Yu, 18, were taken to Eden Medical Center in Castro Valley where they were listed in serious condition Thursday afternoon. It appears excessive speed contributed to the accident, but no signs of drugs or alcohol were found, police said.

The impact was so severe that the front of the four-door Honda was sheered off, landing about 75 feet from where the rest of the car stopped, police said.

When officers arrived, Lu was unconscious and Yu was extracted with injuries to the lower part of her body, police said.

No witnesses were found.

(Argus, March 28 2003)

My condolences to Julia and Jimmy. But don't say I didn't call it; don't say I didn't see it coming. Hopefully, the accident will prove my hypothesis wrong-- that Jimmy will reform his behavior and demonstrate that stupidity is curable. Its unfortunate that only an incident like this could spur the realization required to attempt to counteract such a malicious ailment. I suppose we'll have to wait and see how this will turn out.